Feeling like a mess

So yesterday I went all day with a bad migraine at work.  I put my headphones in and turned the music super low just so people wouldn't bother me.  By midday, I was feeling sick to my stomach from the headache.  Meds weren't helping, diet pop didn't help... I was miserable.  I wound up having food for dinner last night and that actually did help.  I had a chicken shwarma wrap and a grape leaf - and it was amazing.  

I lost sleep over this last night.  Of course now we're coming up to a weekend.  We're going out to my mother in law's house on Sunday and BBQ'ing or something.  So I kept thinking - okay - so now what do I do. Do I just go back to VLCD and totally skip out (or hope I skip out) on anything mother's day or do I use up more of my HL since it's still doing something, using up supplements I have, and still allows me some real food since I'm not going into ketosis.... Ughhhhh this is so freaking hard.  I wish we never had plans, but we're always doing something....The next two months that have difficult points...

May
Mother's Day BBQ
Date night
Lady Gaga Concert
Memorial Day Weekend
Claire's Bday -- I really want a cupcake at least

June
My Bday
Grad/Retirement/Moving Party BBQ
Father's Day
Date night with dinner reservations
Vacation 

I'm already doing HL today so I feel like I should just keep that up through Sunday.  I feel like I can stick with Monday the 12th through Claire's bday.  Hopefully I'm feeling so f'n good by then that I say, cupcake? who needs a cupcake?!  It's gonna be freaking hard still. This is the hardest diet/eating plan I've ever ever done.  It's mentally taking a toll on me....but any diet/eating plan does.  I feel like I'm letting people down...and myself... I don't know.  

Blah.  

No sense to me typing any more though -- I don't really have anything useful to say.  But on a good note, it's Friday! Now if it could just be 4:00.....

--Katie

Less than a lb away....

...from 30 lbs. lost.  The scale gods just couldn't give it to me, could they?!  Guess not!!  I should remember that even though I've jumped back on the bandwagon after falling off, it's not likely that I'd see a 2 lb loss in a day.  1 lb is good.....1 lb is good.... 

Mayyyyybe tomorrow I'll see the 30 lb mark.  I just get so impatient sometimes.  And then that makes me want to eat.  Yesterday night I was a big complainer.  (Sorry Steve!)  I just get frustrated when I'm hungry and then I just want to say screw it, give me food.  

Today isn't starting off the best...between a headache (think I slept wrong) and forgetting my purse and being tired, it's gotta get better, right?!!! :) Right!!! I had my peanut bar already and am chugging the H2O.  I just hope that I don't feel as hungry as I did yesterday.  I think my Monster (Absolute Zero) helped curb my appetite honestely before.  Oh well!  

Oooh, check it out (okay, so to get a better pic, I just put them together - but I am wearing my rings again! All of them!!)  They're still a little snug when I'm warm, but whatevs....I'm wearing them :) 

I'm glad tomorrow is Friday.  Should be another good weekend.  Saturday is Monopoloy Day!! Hahaha, it'll be fun hanging out and passing GO and taking people's money!!  

I hope everyone has a great day --- it's Friday Eve :) 

<3 Katie

2 Perfect Days!!

And while I've been doing great, the scale barely budged... BUT I do need to keep reminding myself that I had two not perfect days too.  So my body is getting back into ketosis.  (KETOSIS HERE I COME!!!)  I'm sure I just confuse the hell out of my body when I "cheat" or have bad days.  I also should try to stick to raw veggies today.  I'm hoping that I see a 2 lb loss tomorrow, but we'll see.  Just gonna keep keeping on....and have some fiber... And maybe say a prayer or two to the scale gods.  :) 

Today's Menu:
Strawberry Cheesecake Bar
Chocolate Pudding
Cheesesteak Pasta
Mocha Pudding
Chocolate Shake

MmmmMMmmmMmmm I know you're jealous :)  I'm happy that I actually like the food though! That helps tons.  Yesterday we went for a nice walk as a family after dinner.  I don't see that happening today as it's pouring down like crazy.  Hopefully it doesn't last all day.  

A friend shared this link this morning.  I thought it was a good read and reminder!  I want to be successful!!
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-11763/13-ways-successful-people-improve-themselves.html

I'll just elaborate my take on a few of these:

2. They hold themselves accountable.  Writing down the reason you want to make a change in your life creates accountability. Next write down when, where, and how you will complete it.

The reason I want to (and need to) make this change is to be a healthier and more active mom.  I also want to feel and look better.  I want to be proud of accomplishing my goals!  My first step to reaching this goal is sticking with my VLCD.  This should get me to 199 - hopefully by August (??) and then after that I can guage when I plan to accomplish my long term goal of 150!  

3. They don't rely solely on willpower. A well-established body of research tells us that willpower is a finite resource. In the face of multiple stressful stimuli, our willpower wears out. Roy F. Baumeister, a social psychologist at Florida State University, says, "Making decisions uses the very same willpower that you use to say no to doughnuts, drugs, or illicit sex." So when it comes to changing your dietary habits, for example, rely less on willpower—instead change your path so you're not tempted by sugary treats multiple times a day.

This is why I avoid the printer cube as much as possible -- it's right across from where all my evil co-workers leave donuts, bagels, cookies, chips, etc...  P.S. there's donuts today :( Gross! I used to eat at least 2...

4. They take it slow.  Once the habit is ingrained, you can try to tackle new habits, but wait at least three weeks before you even consider that. New studies show for a habit to be automatic it may actually take much longer than 30 days. A study led by Phillippa Lally, PhD, a psychologist at University College London, found that it actually took people 66 days (9.5 weeks) for a behavior to become automatic.

Say what?!!!?? UGH - 66 days?!  FML lol

11. They know that failing is not final.  Expect to fail along the way. If you never fail, the habit was too easy. Just get back to it and don't self-loathe. For motivation, remember the words of Winston Churchill, "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

I think it's pretty evident that I understand this one ;) I may fall down, but I always get back up again.  Kinda like Chumbawamba said years ago....

Okay -- there's a Wednesday post for ya... Thank goodness it's Wednesday!!! 

--Katie

Owwwwww!

Isn't it funny how conditioned we are to just respond to questions sometimes?  "Good morning, how are you?" "Good! You?" ..... wait a second...hang on...I'm NOT good. My head feels like it's being crushed in a vise! 

Um, yeah...could be better!  lol I don't know if it's just because we want to keep the conversation short and sweet, or what, but I think about that sometimes (normally when I have a killer headache) and think it's kinda funny.  But I guess in passing, people probably don't really care how you really are doing....it's just the thing to say (in most cases) But we should do more caring.  And now I'm rambling.  And it's not helping my head. LOL

Last night I stepped on the scale just to guage where I might be at and goshdarnit it synced up to mfp before I could step off!  Nothing like an 8 p.m. weigh.  I couldn't delete the weigh in on my phone, so I had to wait until this morning. I did weigh this morning and I'm where I was on the 1st.  I'll see that number go down again tomorrow.  By the end of the week I'm gonna see 239.9!! Am I weird?  Just last summer I mowed the lawn for the first time, and I love it. LOL  I think it's a great workout and I really enjoy it.  I don't use the self propelled feature, so I burn more calories. Yeah, I'm weird. :)

Other than mowing the lawn, I did squats periodically throughout the day. I figured something is better than nothing!!  Fitbit told me I had over 7000 steps yesterday.  I do think I had more, but when grocery shopping I don't think it counted because I was pushing the cart.  But I haven't played around enough with it to see how accurate it is and what it's limitations are. 

How's everyone else doing??  Anyone can feel free to share their stories here too.  Successes and stuggles - I'm here to support everyone along the way!! As you know, I can relate!!! :)

<3 Katie <3

Back at it!!

Okay...feeling pumped!  

So weekend wasn't the best at all. Blah! BUT....I received so many compliments and acknowledgements on how great I look and am doing, it's totally got me refocused today!!  Started my day with a Lemon Meringue bar. Super yummy. Definitely the best bar that I've tried from BetterMD. So I'm not weighing today --- probably not for a few days.  I know I would not be down today!!  

All I've packed today are puddings.  Yay!! The weekend was a lot of fun.  The Derby Luncheon put on by AARDA was a blast as usual.  Even though I wasn't planning on bidding on items in the silent auction, I did, but only won one -- but that was cool.  At one time I was the leading bid for three items and thought Steve might have a heart attack when he found out. haha  But I won this awesome canvas tote from Trader Joes filled with goodies!! Stuff I can't eat, but still fun to win and yumminess for Steve and Claire :) 

Claire and I dressed for the occassion :) 

I was trying to find a picture from last year, but I couldn't. I wanted to do a comparison.  But I feel like I look much better than last year, so that works for me. LOL  Must stay focused....must stay focused.  Still have a long way to go :)  Gosh --- i just need to keep going so that I can see 199.. OMGIcan'twait!!! Pizza will not get me there. Pop will not get me there.  Ice cream, chocolate, chips, etc will not get me there. I'm feeling refreshed and ready to do this.  Remind me of this at 3 p.m. okay?? :)  I think I'll be fine today actually. I just feel really, really good.  Saturday I'm having people over to play Monopoly and I feel good that I can stay focused then too.  I just need to do this for me.  

WATER WATER WATER

Cheers!

--Katie

TGIF --- YES!

It's Friday...it's Friday...finally we made it!!!

So I weighed again this morning and was down again! Whoohoo!  Almost to the 30 lb mark.  

Dinner was ammmmazing last night.  Steve cooked our steaks perfectly!!  I'm really looking forward to tonight - we're doing a Scotch Doubles Bowling night with some friends.  I wish I could sleep in tomorrow, but I gotta pick the little miss up early because we've got our AARDA fundraiser Derby Luncheon.  That's gonna be a lot of fun too, though. I'm excited.  I donated a locket again this year.  Last year, it was a neck and neck competition between my aunt and another lady.  People get serious with their bidding :)  I love that we have this tradition though and that money is raised for a great cause.

It's 8 a.m. and I totally wish I was napping right now.  I think C had nightmares last night and it was rough.  At least we didn't stay up too late though - because between the rocky sleep and alarm going off at 5 a.m., that's not too much fun.  Going from VLCD to HL makes me feel hunger again. Like holy cow I was starving this morning.  Going back to VLCD on Sunday will be good.  I'm wondering if I'll see a big drop again or not.  I know that each time you go off of it, it seems harder to get back on, but I'm determined.  In the 2 months since i've started, I really should be down more than 30 lbs - just because of how much I dropped initially. But it's okay.  I'm human - I'm not going to let it get me down :) 

8.6 lbs to go until I reach my first real goal!!!  I'm totally gonna get there...soon!!! :) 

Have a great one guys! 

<3 Katie

It's Thurrrrsday!

So after my two days that included some bad choices (pizzzzzzzzzzza) - day 1 of HL under my belt and was slightly down today.  So I'll take that!! 

It was nice cooking a meal that Steve and I could both eat for dinner last night. Tonight we're going to have some amazing steak -- we HAVE to eat it so it doesn't get freezer burnt, ya know!  So three more days of HL and then I'll be back on VLCD.  This is good.  I still feel like I'm going to see 239 soon!! (6 lbs to go) Probably by Sunday I'd guess.  But that's just based on my past history with HL.  I'm not sure how my body will react coming off of VLCD to HL.  But it's gotta be better than nothing :) 

Keeping this short today!

--Katie