It's not a race

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jour·neyˈjərnē/
noun1.
an act of traveling from one place to another.
"she went on a long journey"

It's not a race that I'm on... it's a journey. It's not something to be rushed.  It's something to  take in the sights and appreciate where you've been, what you've seen, what you've learned along the way.  I have an idea of where I am going, but going with the flow and taking the turns as they come.  Weight Watchers has still been going well. I'm enjoying it!  It's really helped keep me moving in the right direction.  

I weighed in today and was up a pound.  I'm good with it.  I could make excuses and say that it's because I was wearing work clothes, or weighed at a different location, and a day early at that.... but I gained because of choices I made. The weekends are where things go crazy. It was Mother's Day weekend and yeah.... I enjoyed. LOL It's life.  Maybe I should, but I'm not willing to give up all the celebrations.  It's all good though.  I've been moving in the right direction. I've come a long way already.  In 2 months I'm down almost 14 lbs from WW.  That's nothing to complain about!!  

I've come so far from my heaviest too.  The first pic here was close to that point (28 lbs heavier).  I'm still not happy with how I look in pictures.  Mother's Day pics were still really hard for me to look at.  I just see myself as huge.  And then I'm like, how was I 30 lbs heavier?! UGH!  But even with that, at least I can say I'm not there anymore.  I'm not going back. I'll keep moving in the right direction - even if it's a half pound at a time.  I will reach my goals.  It may not be in a year...or two...or three..... but slowly but surely, I will get there.  

So with that, I keep going...keep moving...keep learning and I'm going to get there.

Ran into an old friend while weighing in today. Someone who's come SO FAR on her journey.  

A real inspiration :) 

I want to inspire one day! #Goals 

xoxo Katie

Throwing Weekends Away

I need to stop... For whatever reason, I can't seem to get a hold of my weekends.  I can have a perfect week and then I just give up on myself over the weekends.  Last week I was able to redeem my bad weekend and still wind up down a pound and a half, but I don't know if I'll be able to this week.  I'm going to try work hard and not let this feeling of disappointment and disgust with myself linger.  It's done...it's something I chose to do...I can't change the past now. I just need to accept it and get right back on track.  I'm just really feeling bad about myself.  This is the self-sabatoge I always run into!!  We had two birthday parties this weekend, but I strayed outside of that too. 


So obviously I didn't weigh today....I HAVE to weigh tomorrow just to log my weight for DietBet.  I obviously won't make the goal, but I'm hopeful that I can pull off one of the final rounds. I need to get to 254.1 .... I'm gonna try. I AM moving in the right direction - just need to pull my weekends together. 


So the positives:

• Since starting WW 6 weeks or so ago, I'm down 11.5 lbs.  
• From my highest weight, I'm down approx 32 lbs.
• I was able to wear a pair of jeans that still had tags on them from a year or two ago
• People are noticing
• I get more compliments
• When I'm eating good food and staying within my points, I feel good about myself
• I am learning to not let my trip ups, turn into quitting completely
• I have been making some really delicious meals
• I am learning to be proud of myself when I'm doing well

I am really going to try to not beat myself up too much about my slipping up. I do want to remember how disappointed and actually sad I feel with myself at this moment though.  I knew what I should've done and I chose what I knew was bad for me.  I want to remember this because I don't want to do this every weekend. I can't afford to do this every weekend.  Being so far over my weekly points will not allow for a loss for someone who doesn't work out....a LOT. 

I just feel so defeated by myself.  But I have a great day planned. I will kill it this week.  My goal is to not gain.  If I can bring back this week to maintain where I left off on Saturday, I will accept that. This is the point where I normally would snowball into eating whatever since I screwed up my weekend.  This is the point where before I would have started to give up on WW again.  That's not fair to myself or the program.  The program works.  I just need to fully commit.  I am human. I will screw up.  But I'm worth brushing it off and getting right back on the horse.  

I am worth it

Best of luck to all for the week!

xoxo
Katie

Thank you Facebook "On This Day..."

Blah! So facebook reminded me back 3 years ago, I weighed 248.9.... that was while i was consuming 600 calories a day on the VLCD...... That was about when I started falling apart on that program I think, though.  I remember feeling really good at first....but then feeling deprived and desparate for a slice of pizza, or bread, or anything..... but any of that would throw you out of ketosis and the program really didn't offer the support that I think would've been helpful.  I remember having a cold and taking dayquil not thinking that it had sugar in it....so I threw myself out of ketosis without even realizing it.

So I may not be 248 today..... but I am the lowest I've been in a couple years.....and I am moving in the right direction...the RIGHT way.  Is it slow? Yes.  But I will get there.  Yesterday I made sure I was up and walking in place or in circles in my family room when I was watching a show on TV. It really helped me get my steps in, and not feel guilty for watching a show.  I also walked to pick C up from school. She loves when I do - and plus I don't have to deal with the insane parking lot!  WIN WIN!  I know I need to start increasing my activity more.  We'll prob reactivate our gym membership at some point.  I honestly don't have the desire to go...I'm not going to lie. lol But I know I need to do something. I realize diet is the biggest part to losing weight at this point, but I know it will make a difference and speed things up the more active I am.  

Anyhow -- I am moving in the right direction.  I'm down almost 26 lbs from my heaviest!  I'm proud of myself <3

xoxo
Katie

Back to WW

After my last post, I wound up getting an e-mail for a discount on signing up for Weight Watchers with meetings.  All of the ones previously had been for online only, which I wasn't interested in.  I took it as a SIGN and climbed aboard the WW train again!  My partner-in-crime joined me! (Go textie!) and a co-worker did too.  So I'm doing this!  I went to my first meeting last Saturday.  We were going to a movie afterwards, so I went to the 8:30 a.m. meeting and holy crap - there were SO MANY people!  It was really motivating.  Most of the meeting was group discussion...it just seems like there is so much support there. It was great!  As much as sleeping in longer sounds good, I think I'll stick to the 8:30 meetings.  

So weighing in for the first time wasn't too bad. It was where I thought I'd be which was only 1/2 lb more than when I stopped WW last year!  The lady checking me in was impressed.  I told her I've been up a lot higher, but I've come back down - and I'm just really excited to be back.  After the first week, at least for me, you're really excited to weigh in.  It's typically the biggest loss.  I've weighed myself at home and I am down, so definitely looking forward to Saturday.  I know the scale is just a number...blah blah... but it's such a b*tch sometimes!!! 

They do have you set a goal weight - you don't have to do it right away - but they want you to set a long-term goal and then every 4 weeks you set a short-term goal too.  After I weigh on Saturday I'll set my 4 week goal.  Long-term...for now I said 175....no, that won't put me as a lifetime member, and I will still be overweight BUT for now that is my goal.  Once I get there, I'm sure I'll drop it :) And I WILL get there.  

This is going to be another month where I do not reach my dietbet goal.  Steve may though!!  He's close!! He's been doing amazing.  So as it stands now - in order to reach the next dietbet goal (yes....as I keep missing them, it keeps getting harder....UGH) I will need to lose 17.5 lbs by April 30th.  Is it a lot? Yes.  Will I need to work my ass off in order to do it? YES!  Is it possible?  Hell yeah!  Okay....so maybe i'm trying to talk myself into it being possible, but it really is.  Probable?  Not necessarily with my track record, but I'm going to try to start defying the odds.  Getting out of my comfort zone. Doing more. Moving more. Being more. 

The other day Claire had me running, hopping, and jumping down the street as we went for a walk.  She's been really into being active and that makes me so happy. I don't ever want to hinder that. I want her to be fit and healthy and not go through all that I've gone through with being overweight.  I want her to make healthy choices and be proud of herself.  She's growing so fast and makes me so proud!  

So for now, that's all.  I'll post after my next WW meeting.  

xoxo

Katie

Spring is here!

Whether it feels like it or not, spring is here!  And that means..... summer is next!! 

EEEEK!!!  

Uh, wait....wasn't I supposed to be 30 lbs lighter by now?! Well damn.  Thanks to MFP, I can look back to see how much I weighed last time I posted a blog (January 4th -- yes, I'm a slacker) and I'm actually down 5.6 lbs.  So that is a good thing!   From June 8, 2015 - I'm down 21 lbs.  I'm trying to remind myself to be proud of the progress I've made.  It's been a slow journey -- one that's barely started still -- but I need to remind myself that I am capable.  I can do this.  No, I won't be a size 12 by {this} summer ... but one of these summers, I will be.  

The struggle is real.  I fall somewhere between "I want to be sexy AF" and "Cupcakes are healthy muffins after I lick the frosting off, right?"

".  

It's the constant back and forth for me: 

The "I'm-totally-pumped-about-this" that wears off in a day... 

The defeat I feel when I see the jeans that I've never gotten to wear because they haven't fit (even though they're the same size I do wear..... HATE women's clothes sizing!!) .... 

The "It's hard for me to stick to because it is so slow".... 

The "I need to learn to like exercise"... 

The "I didn't think I looked that big until I saw a picture of myself"......

The "I can't wait to be a regular size so I can have cute, sexy clothes".....

The "I'm not near 300 anymore! Yay!"

The "I can lose weight - I've done it...maybe not as much as I'd like, but I can do it!"

There's ups and downs. The roller coaster that goes through my head constantly.  Do I want pizza? Um, yes. That answer is always yes.  Should I never eat pizza again?  No - that would turn me into a miserable person.  Moderation.  Something I still need to learn.  Lucky for me, I've got great support.  Steve, as usual, is awesome.  Pushes me, puts up with me, encourages me, tells me that I'm beautiful...... even when I drive him flipping crazy while being a crazy, emotional, hangry woman.... 

I'm going to try to get my steps in.. going to try adding the random squats while brushing my teeth, or walking in place while doing dishes.... try to add movement to every day activities... the little bits will add up and hopefully I'll see it.  I need to get back to blogging now and then -- not once every few months.  I've got to own my successes and short comings. Push forward and set more obtainable smaller goals, as well as reach for those long-term goals still too!

Where I am today: (well, yesterday) 280.3

Goals:

• Miracle Goal - I don't think it'd be obtained without a 7-day diet and a lotta prayers: 265.4 by 3/31.... This would just let me win this round of the DietBet that I slacked on getting too. I don't expect to reach this one.... but I shall give it my best
• 260 by the end of April
• Fit into those damn jeans that I have in my closet!!

I'll leave my goals at that for now.  If you've read my blog before, you know that I always have many goals.  As I reach them, I'll try to celebrate them here!  I was going to sign up for Weight Watchers with meetings again as I think that's the healthiest WL approaches I've used.  I like the meetings because when you have successes, you get to celebrate with others and they're legitimately proud of you.  Whether you lost .5 lbs, or got your 10 lb ribbon - they make it a big deal.  But I think I'll try to do it on my own for now.  I'll try to turn to the blog to share my successes and work on just being proud of myself.  Feels kinda silly being excited for a 5 lb star sticker, but it was a cool thing for me.  

Okay - enough rambling today.  Cookies* if you read the whole thing!!

xoxo 

Katie

*Cookies are fictional because honestly giving cookies out would be totally counter-productive to my whole goal of finding health....plus I've eaten all the Girl Scout cookies we had, so there's no cookies to give

It's a new year!

The new year is always like "Monday" when it comes to dieting or getting healthy.  You get to a point in the year -- typically around Thanksgiving -- and you're like "Uh yeah, in JANUARY I'll start!"  Well, it's January - and I'm starting off strong.  So I probably said I wouldn't do one again, but I'm doing another DietBet. (You should be able to still join by clicking here)  The concept is great... you pay to join and if you lose 4% in 4 weeks you get to split the pot of all who entered who didn't reach their goal.  I have NEVER succeeded in one.  I'm done with that!  I joined. Steve joined. Kelly joined. We're all freaking doing this!  I can't afford to just throw $30 away.  I need to restock my Younique supply with Kelly's party!  That's almost my foundation.... eek! LOL 

So resolutions --- I haven't had a real resolution in many years.  I mean, I guess last year, I said I would lose at least a pound.  So I did that. That works.  I'm not big on resolutions though, because I tend to self-sabotage.  I stop myself from succeeding.  I don't know why, but that's a trend I've noticed I do A LOT.  I get close to a goal and I don't let myself achieve it.  So there's things I want to do this year, but I'm not setting any real resolutions.  I'm just gonna go with the flow and do my best.  

It's hard not to put a number on it. A friend of mine shared something with me and I know it's not good to put a number on it...to just work at being healthy without the stigma of a number...but being able to see quantifiable results is so satisfying.. of course that's only if you are getting the results you want and not moving in the opposite direction.  I can't find what she shared with me, but I'm going to try to find balance between the number and just being healthier!   (I chose to wear my tight jeans today just to remind myself of where I want to go.......and they were clean.... )  I'm so frustrated with my wardrobe though.  I know it's not necessarily the right reason, but I want cute clothes!  I don't want to have numbers and X's in my size. I want to shop in the regular section and maybe wind up in just a plain ole large one day.  

I found that Amazon Prime Video has some Yoga videos for free so I think I'm going to check those out.  I'm really going to make this my year.  It's great having people on the same journey as me... even if their road may be shorter...it's still hard.  We stick together.  We can do this. We will succeed!

xoxo
Katie

A New Year is on the Way and..

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It's been a while since I've written.  That's never really a good thing. It means I've fallen off track, more often than not.  2016 has been another year of ups and downs.  All in all though - seriously I did pretty well!!  I started 2017 near 300 lbs.  UGH.  It was rough.  It was {really, really} disappointing.  But I got through it.  I remember my first blog of 2016 said something like "My goal for this year is to lose anything....a pound even... to be lighter than I am this day"  Each year its seemed like I've only gained.  This year was different!! I did lose.  So I'm taking it and I'm going to be happy about it.  Is it where I wanted to be ideally? No.  But it's something.  And in 2017, I'm going to do even more.  

In 2017 I want to try new things. I want to try to find some hobbies.  (Apparently I have none -- and that's pretty sad) 

I don't even know where to start with all that.  Baking would be counterproductive to any weight loss I want to accomplish.  Maybe cooking healthy?  LOL But what kind of hobby is that... I guess it could work.  I may play around with Steve's camera and see if I can get good at that.  Seriously guys....what do I do?! What hobbies do you have?! This shouldn't be so hard. hahaha

I guess I will figure it out.  Gonna do my best to make 2017 my year.  Of course I say that every year....but one of these years it will pay off.  I will get under 200 and find cute clothes!!!!  Whoohoo!!  

Okay - probably won't update again til next year.... but thanks for all the support guys :) 

xoxo 
Katie