Spring is here!

Whether it feels like it or not, spring is here!  And that means..... summer is next!! 

EEEEK!!!  

Uh, wait....wasn't I supposed to be 30 lbs lighter by now?! Well damn.  Thanks to MFP, I can look back to see how much I weighed last time I posted a blog (January 4th -- yes, I'm a slacker) and I'm actually down 5.6 lbs.  So that is a good thing!   From June 8, 2015 - I'm down 21 lbs.  I'm trying to remind myself to be proud of the progress I've made.  It's been a slow journey -- one that's barely started still -- but I need to remind myself that I am capable.  I can do this.  No, I won't be a size 12 by {this} summer ... but one of these summers, I will be.  

The struggle is real.  I fall somewhere between "I want to be sexy AF" and "Cupcakes are healthy muffins after I lick the frosting off, right?"

".  

It's the constant back and forth for me: 

The "I'm-totally-pumped-about-this" that wears off in a day... 

The defeat I feel when I see the jeans that I've never gotten to wear because they haven't fit (even though they're the same size I do wear..... HATE women's clothes sizing!!) .... 

The "It's hard for me to stick to because it is so slow".... 

The "I need to learn to like exercise"... 

The "I didn't think I looked that big until I saw a picture of myself"......

The "I can't wait to be a regular size so I can have cute, sexy clothes".....

The "I'm not near 300 anymore! Yay!"

The "I can lose weight - I've done it...maybe not as much as I'd like, but I can do it!"

There's ups and downs. The roller coaster that goes through my head constantly.  Do I want pizza? Um, yes. That answer is always yes.  Should I never eat pizza again?  No - that would turn me into a miserable person.  Moderation.  Something I still need to learn.  Lucky for me, I've got great support.  Steve, as usual, is awesome.  Pushes me, puts up with me, encourages me, tells me that I'm beautiful...... even when I drive him flipping crazy while being a crazy, emotional, hangry woman.... 

I'm going to try to get my steps in.. going to try adding the random squats while brushing my teeth, or walking in place while doing dishes.... try to add movement to every day activities... the little bits will add up and hopefully I'll see it.  I need to get back to blogging now and then -- not once every few months.  I've got to own my successes and short comings. Push forward and set more obtainable smaller goals, as well as reach for those long-term goals still too!

Where I am today: (well, yesterday) 280.3

Goals:

• Miracle Goal - I don't think it'd be obtained without a 7-day diet and a lotta prayers: 265.4 by 3/31.... This would just let me win this round of the DietBet that I slacked on getting too. I don't expect to reach this one.... but I shall give it my best
• 260 by the end of April
• Fit into those damn jeans that I have in my closet!!

I'll leave my goals at that for now.  If you've read my blog before, you know that I always have many goals.  As I reach them, I'll try to celebrate them here!  I was going to sign up for Weight Watchers with meetings again as I think that's the healthiest WL approaches I've used.  I like the meetings because when you have successes, you get to celebrate with others and they're legitimately proud of you.  Whether you lost .5 lbs, or got your 10 lb ribbon - they make it a big deal.  But I think I'll try to do it on my own for now.  I'll try to turn to the blog to share my successes and work on just being proud of myself.  Feels kinda silly being excited for a 5 lb star sticker, but it was a cool thing for me.  

Okay - enough rambling today.  Cookies* if you read the whole thing!!

xoxo 

Katie

*Cookies are fictional because honestly giving cookies out would be totally counter-productive to my whole goal of finding health....plus I've eaten all the Girl Scout cookies we had, so there's no cookies to give