Who am I?!

I woke up at 4 a.m. this morning and couldn't fall back asleep...so what did I do?? Went to the gym!

Now I stayed in my calories yesterday but was pushing it.  And I did have a couple (okay... 4.... crescent rolls) last night with my chili.. They just melted in my mouth though...and I was only going to have two, but then they were just staring at me... damnit. haha  Oh well.  I freaking went to the gym at 4 a.m.!  

I don't know - don't really have much more to say than that today haha.

Peace!

xoxo Katie

Wisdom for Wednesday

Today I will be am proud of myself.  I'm proud that I have been logging my food, staying within calories, and made it to the gym last night.  I am proud that I am starting to take care of myself and feel really motivated to keep moving forward and not stop! I am happy that I have people in my life who believe in me and my abilities, even when I doubt myself.  I know that this has been a long time in the making, but I really can actually almost see myself succeeding this time.  I think this is it. I think that I will make leaps and bounds of progress this year.  2016 is the year. The year I become healthier.  The year I find me.

I stepped on the scale this morning and was down -- 296.7. Okay...moving in the right direction now!  LoseIt! says that I'll reach my goal of 199 by Jan. 3 now.  In 342 days I could be 199!  How insane.  

I .will.die.  Well, not really...I'll LIVE...but you get it!  

Yesterday I made it to the gym..not in the morning..but I went in the evening. It was insanely packed.  Ugh.  I still feel semi uncomfortable figuring things out and deciding what to do on my own when it's so crowded. It just seems that everyone knows exactly what they're doing and I almost feel in the way. But I did 22 min on the treadmill - at an incline - between 2-4% and about 3 mph.  Nothing huge, but I was sweating!  It was good.  I did 3 sets of 15 with the Vipr bar. Did the skiing.  And did a little elliptical.  All in all, for just getting back into it, I felt good about the workout.  I do kinda wish I had a Heart Rate Monitor so that I could better tracker my calories burned.  I don't trust the machines and the apps because they just aren't connected to your body.  But I don't think it's super important at this point.  Right now, doing something is obviously more than doing nothing so it's gonna be positive!  

Eating has been good. I've avoided the dreaded deliciously appealing candy dishes here at work.  I've avoided regular pop.  And I'm not cutting anything specific out of my diet.  As long as it fits in with my calories, I'm okay with it at this point!  But I've been more conscious of everything and even though it's only been a couple days, I'm feeling very good about it.  I've been taking my vitamins, we've been doing really healthy dinners... Steve and I have both been making good changes.  

I just am looking forward to not worrying about getting on an airplane, or an amusement park ride...wearing a bathing suit...trying on clothes...stuff that most people don't have to think twice about.  Looking forward to sleeping better...feeling better...looking better! 

Need to print this one up :) 

xoxo Katie xoxo

Ooops I did it again..

And now I'll have Britney in my head all day.. but I saw that dreaded number again on my scale.  The only "good thing" is that I know I haven't been doing everything right, so I'm not surprised. It gets you to that point though, where you're like, "Yeah - I just need to stop eating" -- but I know that's not the way either.  So I'm truly going to commit this week.  I've been half-assing my commitments lately and that doesn't cut it.  I'm good at tracking for like a day, and then I quit and eat whatever without measuring, logging, or being conscious about it.  I will log and do my best to stay within the calorie count that LoseIt! gives me..It's not like it doesn't give me a shitton of calories.  There's no reason I shouldn't be able to stay within 1900 cals/day. So because I've been slacking, it's pushed my goal out to Jan 14, 2017.... BUT I'm going to try to make up some time, and still reach 199 by 12/31/2016.  I'm not that far off that I can't do it.... so let's do it! 

One thing that I did do this weekend was I did get to the gym. Once. But I did it!  We went yesterday and I'm sore today - but glad about that!  So this week my goal is to go at least Tuesday and Thursday.  I'm sure we'll go over the weekend too, so that's cool.  I'm feeling committed so I'm going to try to really hold on to that feeling.  I think I might even do Zumba tonight.  I'm drinking water and tea this morning... got my Matcha Maker green tea in my Contigo mug that keeps it hotter than hot... and I'm almost done with my first 32 oz of water.  I had a dannon light & fit yogurt for breakfast.  So 90 calories into my day. 

Reading one of Heidi Powell's posts on FB over the weekend, I saw a quote that I love and always need to remember...

 
Too often I'm the "I can't" girl.  I lack that confidence.  I lack the love for myself.  And when you do that, you convince yourself that you really can't - before even giving yourself a chance.  I wish we lived by my BFF(TFF) -- like next door neighbors because I know she'd be slapping food out of my hand....telling me to save my cals for wine... and we'd go kick some ass at the gym together.  It'd be freaking awesome. For some reason 300 miles makes it's difficult.  But I'm sure we can do it.  She may be far more awesome than me, but I will prove to myself that I can do it too!  :) 

xoxo
Katie

I am confident....

... that I need to work on my confidence

*Sigh* I'm pretty positive I've written this post before.  I lack confidence not only in my ability to lose weight, but in pretty much every other aspect of my life.... from reading maps (yeah...), to picking the right movie, giving the right answer, to wearing the right thing.. it's just all overwhelming to me.  I freak out and worry so much about not doing something right - not succeeding - that I just sabotage myself and give up.
  
I know they say:

But I struggle with it!

I think the hardest thing for me is feeling lost as to where to begin for building confidence.  It seems like something you just have to DO, but it's like HOW?! I know for people who don't have issues with confidence, it seems crazy that someone can have so much self doubt, but how do you just start being confident?  Do you fake it til you make it? 

That's kinda all I can think of... Just pretend I'm crazy confident and then eventually I will be?! 

I want C to grow up an be confident so I really need to work on this myself.  I don't want her to be the girl constantly saying "I can't" or backing out on things quietly because she doesn't believe in herself. I want her to follow every single one of her dreams - even those that seem unreachable.... although I'm pretty sure her biggest dream so far is having a house full of cats to love and take care of. Gotta love her!!!  Time to focus on believing in myself and figuring out what I'm all about --- because honestly I don't know.  

Goals for this week (I was off work yesterday, so my week is starting today...) 

• Track all food/drinks
• Stay within cal goal
• Get to the gym at least 1x

Right now my LoseIt! app shows that I can still meet my goal of 199 by 12/31/16........ I just need to start losing or else I'm not going to be able to.  I haven't been doing anything to get me there, so hopefully if I change things around starting today --- I will do it!! 

--Katie

A little lost

It really sucks when you know what you want, ways to get it, but can't seem to get yourself there.  I don't know if it is just the fear of failing, lack of confidence, laziness or what - but it's an endless struggle I seem to have.  I kinda hate posting about it because I feel like I've written this post 10x or more since I started this blog and lived this countless times more.  I feel like a failure when I keep repeating this same thing over and over..... (you don't have to say it, I know no one sees me as a failure or disappointment...) It's just crazy.  

I just know where I need to be: 150 lbs (or less - honestly)  
I know that I've only gained weight each year for ever
I know that ... Okay, this is just getting depressing. I'm not going to keep rehashing this.  We've all heard it a thousand times. You probably read this and say, "Hasn't she found anything that works for her yet?!"  A friend from HS messaged me the other day about advocare.  I just can't spend any more money on anything like this.  I've wasted money on pretty much every other option out there - Herbalife (which i really liked!), Nutrisystem, VLCD diets, itWorks, etc..... I know they haven't worked long term because I haven't given it my all.  If someone wants to sponsor me and coach me I'd do it in a heartbeat. hahaha I just can't spend any more money.  I should be on one of those shows where I have no choice but to comply. No distractions, no options, no choice but to follow the program. BUT I know that woudn't fix anything. That wouldn't fix me and whatever issues I have that keep holding me back.  I have to be able to figure out what the heck my issue is and address it.  

It's crazy because I feel like I know little about myself.  If you ask me what I like to do - it's pretty limited.  I like being with friends and family, playing games, and making other people happy.  I don't really have many hobbies. I don't spend a lot of time by myself.  I don't know what makes me tick.  I don't know me as well as I feel I should.  I really need to work on that this year.  I used to sit on my porch when I was younger, and write lyrics.  I'd put them to a little tune or something in my head and just write.  I enjoyed that. I've never had the talent to put anything to music, nor were they probably that good to be anything significant  (I mean, I was a teenager lol) but still - it was something I enjoyed.  I still love to sing and listen to music.  I think I want to learn more about our digital SLR and photography. Maybe photo editing too.  I think that would be fun.  So at least I have a few things I want to start this year.  

Annnnnd I think I'll stop rambling. I didn't know where this post was going to go when I started writing, but we'll wrap it up now.  Basically I just need to do some reflecting and figure out what makes me tick....what will make me start making progress on goals I have...Thanks for being awesome guys. <3  

xoxo Katie

Happy New Year!

Goooooood morning - Today marks the day where I start writing/typing 2015 on things for work and have to figure out how to turn that 5 into a 6.

A new year, a new start....hopefully one that will turn into some progress....some healthy habits and new routines. In our weight losss group with our other mamas, the question was asked "What realistic goal do you have this year" --- mine is to lose anything....a pound... I don't care as long as I am not heavier on 12/31/16 than I was on 1/1/16.  Plugging all my stats into the LoseIt! App, they actually said I could reach the goal of 199 by December 15, 2016!  So, althogh with my track record, that may not be "realistic" ----  it is attainable and I am freakin going to do it this year.

So I did weigh myself on 1/1 but didn't get strict on what I was eating until today.  I'm logging with LoseIt! I'll see how that compares to MFP.  My FitBit is charging.  I know I'm not going to make the gym today, but I will in the next couple days.

I had basically been living in leggings and yoga pants for the past 2 weeks so putting jeans on today was rough.  For some reason I think they shrunk.... ;)

Gonna get some work done now, but I wanted to make sure I checked in and let you all know that I was still here.  I'm back and motivated :)

xo Katie