I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed in myself. I wasted January away and gained again. Saw 2-7-0 and wanted to puke. I really need to figure out how to see something so disappointing and turn it into fuel to move forward and make progress. I'm soooo freakin good - like amazing - at making one mistake, or seeing a number like 270 and saying F it - what does it matter if I make a few more bad choices today. There's always tomorrow, right? Welp, one day there won't be a tomorrow. Especially if I keep up these bad habits. I also need to learn to see other's successes as motivation...right now I'm at a tough point where when I see others succeeding, its a big slap in the face reminder that I've failed. I've lost some weight before. I can do this. Right?? It's also hard that I'm so heavy and that very very few people I know in real life are in the same boat. I know that no matter where you are, we all have struggles, but it's harder to relate for me.
BUT, I know that people - even those heavier than me - have chosen for themselves to make a change. They've stuck with it, lost 100's of pounds and yes, they still struggle, but they're doing it. I don't know these people in person, but seeing their facebook pages or blogs is really inspiring. Kelly is one IRL friend though who I'm super proud of. She has crazy determination and it was a huge thing, seeing her get under 200! My sister in law is also super inspirational. These girls have dedication and drive that I have never had. I don't know how they do it!! But I need to learn!!! :)
So plans for today:
- Throw away the leftover cheese bread I had in the fridge at work (DONE!)
- Stick with my MFP diary (yes, I am having leftover thai because I can't stand to throw the money away)
- Go to the gym tonight
- Avoid any chocolate, candy and goodies that these evil people at work try to tempt me with (JUST HEARD THERE ARE CUPCAKES - damn them LOL)
- WATER WATER WATER
So my goal is to not weigh in until Saturday morning. I don't know where I am right now but I'm sure it's not good. Hopefully by Saturday I'll be back down to 265 -- my starting weight at the beginning of the year.
<3 Katie <3
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