Joyful Rambling

Today I read an article and one point was how much easier it is to make a list of things we're afraid of, than it is to make a list of things that truly bring us joy.  The purpose was that we need to really focus on making that list of joy rather than letting the things that bring us fear consume us.  It got me thinking - it really is more challenging to create the JOY list.  But it's got to be so important.  Immediately when thinking, the things that bring me fear popped up: failing, disappointing others, making the "wrong" decision, etc.  

To think of the things that bring joy, this is what needs to consume me.  This is what can make the difference in attitude, outlook and life!  

• The smile, laugh, stories...anything having to do with my daughter. She is truly the best
• The love and laughter from my husband
• I could go over each friend/family member individually, but being blessed by these individuals brings me happiness
• Laughing with friends - telling ridiculous stories, playing games, just hanging out
• Listening to music - cranking it up, belting it out
• Casino trips 
• Vacations
• Road trips

I still struggle with so much though.  Trying to find way to overcome my fears is really tough.  Losing weight has got to be one of my biggest struggles.  (obviously)  I've made such progress before and just when I get close to a milestone or success, I've always either self-sabatoged or found an excuse and gave up or something. I don't know why.  It really sucks because I've pretty much ruined my chance of using any assistance.  As much structure as I crave - I've blown every opportunity I've had and I wouldn't blame my husband or anyone else for not wanting me to take a structure driven (outside of "changing your diet" and adding excercise) approach.  

I'd have to say that Herbalife was probably my favortie plan.  I really wish I could remember the exact success I had on that -- but I guess it's probably good that I can't.  Just make me want it more. But 2 shakes, the tea, that cell-u-loss miracle stuff - dang. Peed like crazy but lost the weight. VLCD worked crazy good, but it just wasn't sustainable for our lifestyle.  I think if the first time I did it, if they had a better (nearly ANY) support system I would've had longer success.  I have an online mom friend who has been doing the HCG diet and has dropped like 50 lbs... she looks amazing.  Amazingly enough, though, I'm not tempted.  I haven't looked into it, but it's basically a VLCD... I know that's just not for me know.  2 shakes a day sure, but not the 600 cals a day.  We just do too much.  There's too many one offs that would throw off ketosis.

I came into today planning on kicking carbs.  Unfortunately, I didn't have a great plan. So breakfast was some mixed nuts. lol I'm having my tea and for lunch I brought some meat and cheese.  Sooo it's on plan, but I just feel somewhat lost.  For some people, "Eating healthy and exercising" just makes sense and they don't get when people can't just do that.  I think that being nearly 150 lbs overweight makes it harder to have that mindset.  Yes, exercise will help, but it's hard getting into it with all that extra weight.  It's just a viscious circle.  I'm in that diet bet now and not making progress yet.  Need to do something for sure. I want to win so that I can do another. I need to lose so much.  Need to drop half my body weight. That would be amazing!!! I cannot even imagine what I would look like.  It'd be crazy for sure.

Okay - done enough rambling.  Blah.  

Sorry that it's been quite the tangent but just where I'm at today.

<3 Katie <3